Conflict Disguised as Agreement—the Yeah But

Beware the dreaded “Yeah But.” What’s a “yeah but?” It’s the answer you get when someone wants to sound agreeable, but is not! It’s a spark, a spark that can easily be fanned into a blaze of conflict!

You are talking with a friend about your plan for the weekend. You lay out the perfect itinerary and ask, “Sound good?”

Your friend nods and says, “Yeah, but…,” and then goes into all the reasons your plan sucks.

Yeah, But is a Slap In the Face

Whether it’s a friend, co-worker, neighbor, relative, or anyone—when you lay out a plan and get only a “Yeah but,” it feels like your face just got slapped. And it doesn’t matter if there was a pause after “Yeah” or not. An immediate “Yeah but” or one with a pause—both feel like a slap in the face! There is a much better way.

If you are ever tempted to use a “Yeah, but,” unless you are consciously trying to poison a relationship, here’s a two-part method to save you from being a slapper:

Find Positives

First, don’t just say, “Yeah.” Dig into your friend’s plan. Look for positives. Start with all the positives you can find. “Yeah. I like this about your plan, and I like that too. I’m excited about the other thing.” Remember, you are not agreeing, you are only voicing positives. You are putting distance and time between your, “yeah,” and the negative you are about to spring on them. Maybe you cannot find anything positive. You can say, “I can see where you are going with this,” or, “I understand how you got that idea.” Find something positive to say beyond the dreaded “Yeah, but!”

Second, soften the negative you are about to dump on them. You might say, “There are a couple of issues I see. Just a couple concerns.” Then, tactfully explain. You want this to turn into a discussion, not a verbal brawl!

Turning disagreements into agreements is easy—if you have built a strong relationship, and you know how to avoid conflict. Mastering conflict is one of the main reasons I wrote the book, How to NOT Lose Friends and Fight with Other People

If you liked this little article, you will be blown away by the book!