How to NOT Lose Friends and Fight with Other People

Conflict is everywhere. Our day-to-day interactions are filled with it. Negotiating through conflict requires patience. Knowing how to move people with easily learned persuasion and communication skills—that’s your key for navigating through conflict—both the simple situations, and the complex.

If we were to make a list of predicaments leading to conflict, that list would be never-ending. And each situation needs a solution. Finding the best solutions is easy for those who have cultivated their communication and persuasion skills. Our goal here? To get you those skills—get you solutions!

Do any of the following situations sound familiar?

You get your medical bill and see your insurance company denied your claim, leaving you to pay the entire bill out of pocket. You call the insurance company and dispute their denial—conflict.

You work at a summer camp and discover one of the kids is stealing food, but their parents deny any possibility—conflict.

You think your teenager is sound asleep. You peek in their bedroom and see the empty bed and the open window—conflict.

You make a reservation at the hottest restaurant well in advance before your big celebration, but when you check in, they can’t find your name on their list, and the place is packed—conflict.

You coach a sports team. One of your players fouls their opponent and the referee kicks them out of the game. You don’t see it that way—conflict. 

You manage a corporation and discover the people in accounting despise the salespeople—because they believe salespeople are paid far too much money—conflict.

You’ve been looking all over for the season’s hottest gift, the one everyone has to have, and see the last one on the store shelf. As you reach to snag it, another person grabs it too—conflict.

As you go through the intersection, you see a flashing red light in your rearview mirror. You hear the sound of a police siren, and realize they are coming after you—conflict.

You are a customer service employee, or you sell things, or you work on home improvement projects, or you have a classroom filled with kids, or you collect on bad debts, or… If you are alive, it’s everywhere—conflict. Some conflict is so minor, it’s easily overcome. But what about really challenging circumstances? How do you get yourself out of these tough situations without losing friends and fighting with other people?

I wrote this fable to show you how! Why a fable? To make it fun! It’s a blend of fact and fiction, with solutions sprinkled throughout the story.

Imagine this. Imagine you learn to read people’s minds. You’d meet a new person and instantly know who they are. Are they honest? Which way do they lean politically? Where are they on religion? You’d understand how they tick. Do they have integrity? Are they pro this? Are they anti that? And a big one—you would know what they think about you!

When you know their thoughts, you can always say the right thing. You can eliminate conflict. You will never misunderstand. If you want to make a point, you will know exactly what to say and how to say it. When you learn to read people’s minds you free yourself of the worry of saying the wrong thing.

Ah! If only mind reading was possible!

Well, guess what! You can read people’s minds. I will show you how! It’s easy!

You want to know what people are thinking? Ask them! Questions are the answer. I’ll prove it. The right question at the right time prompts people to open up and tell you their thoughts. The wrong question does the opposite. Do it wrong and you create conflict. Let me show you how to easily recognize the difference, so you can always choose wisely.

I’ve been selling forever. Believe it or not—so have you! I’ll prove that to you too. When sales became my career choice, I first had to learn the actual skills needed to sell. Unlike many people, nothing comes to me automatically. I’m not a natural-born anything. God didn’t program me that way. I need to clearly see the how and why of things before I can get any positive results. I first realized this shortcoming when I struggled to learn to play the guitar. Even when I reached the level of professional rock bass player, I still had to figure out why the music worked—or why it didn’t, before I could master the music. When it came to my sales career, I had to learn why people would buy, and why they would not. I needed to completely understand the actual psychology behind it.

I know—it doesn’t seem fair. Some people are born amazing at all kinds of things. The child prodigy. The overnight sensation. The superstar actress who was discovered in a diner. Not me. I didn’t get so lucky. But there is a silver lining that came with the “curse” of always needing to understand how things work. Once I understand something, I can explain it to others! I can show people how it’s done! I can teach them! Then I can coach while they work to duplicate it. That skill is a blessing—not a curse. I am so thankful!

In sales, I’ve won awards, fabulous trips, and big bonuses. In sales management, I have trained thousands of salespeople. I’ve coached hundreds of customer service professionals, and won more awards in the process. I’ve transformed people who opened their minds, and gave me their trust. They allowed me to lead them into the magic that comes when you read minds and eliminate conflict—by asking the right questions. It’s all about the intricacies of communication.

I learned a few communication skills while raising my children too! And each of them now has children of their own. So my wife, Kim, and I get to do it all again with grandchildren. As of this writing, she and I have been married for over four decades. It was nearly fifty years ago when I began my journey into the world of persuasion. I’ve found communication gems with each job I’ve had. You know what? All those skills, from all I’ve done—they all intertwine! Here it is. Here you go. I’ve got it figured out for you!

(The story comes next! Want to read more? If you liked what you read, you will love the fable! Get your copy of How To NOT Lose Friends and Fight With Other People! Get your own Communication and Persuasion Toolbox and make people like and agree with you!)